its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
