I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
