You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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