i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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