There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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