Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
