Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
third nipple confirmed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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