So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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