Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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