Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
