Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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