So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
