I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
