I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
