I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
