dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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