5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
