You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
