I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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