I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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