you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
