And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
