marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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