I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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