overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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