I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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