Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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