Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
