i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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