I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.