I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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