i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
