once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
