I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
