what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
