If that was your dad, he is hot
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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