$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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