i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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