I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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