this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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