Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
