I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
