Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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