Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
