she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
