sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
