So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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