Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
