i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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