I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
