the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
