Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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