did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
