After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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