thus making me awesome and them whores
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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