I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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