Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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