In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
