she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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