Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
