when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
