all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
