Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
