Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
