Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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