I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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