How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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