so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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