so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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