Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
