So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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