I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
