My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
