I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
