my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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