Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
