Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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