My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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